Replacing Donald Trump, James Austin Johnson returns to lament his trial and speak with prospective running mate Kristi Noem.
James Austin Johnson’s portrayal of Donald Trump delivered a message to kick off Saturday Night Live’s 49th season finale. In an address to his fans from “his new home, the barricades outside of a Manhattan courthouse,” Trump admitted that he hasn’t been feeling very romantic lately.
He lamented, “They say very mean things about me while I’m trying to sleep,” and then emphasized how much he would like to provide his own testimony in court. “I have no fear at all about testifying. I simply won’t, for fear of it. As you can see, they record your testimony, which is a horrible thing that we object to.
A jury member, played by cast member Sarah Sherman, entered the stage as he was speaking. She panicked and ran off as soon as she discovered she was being filmed. “Oh, that juror—did you see her countenance?” stated Trump. Folks, her life is ruined because everyone saw her face. Her face will be screenshotted by my people, who will thereafter dox her to hell. Yes, we adore doxing.
Sen. Tim Scott of South Carolina and “the late great Hannibal Lecter,” whom Trump publicly complimented at a recent rally, were among the notable GOP figures whom Trump introduced to the audience. The South Dakota governor Kristi Noem, a cast member of Heidi Gardner’s, who shot her own dog and boasted about it in her new book, was among his guests.
Taking a rifle in one hand and a dog in the other, Noem made her way onto the stage. She chuckled, “It’s a real gun, I’m not kidding. It’s a fake dog.”
“You know, Kristi could be an interesting pick for VP, because on one hand, she shot a dog, which you really can’t do,” Trump said, considering the advantages and disadvantages of appointing her to the position. However, it’s also quite fantastic that she shot a dog.
Trump had to politely ask Noem to leave the platform when she boasted, “I kill goats too,” saying, “Okay, you’re making it worse, sweetie.”
After all of the guests left, Trump assured the public that he will launch another coup attempt in July, a la January 6. He remarked, “It’s going to be fun to see all those guys back at the Capitol, but in shorts this time.”
“Just remember: if you’re tired about hearing about all of my trials, all you gotta do is vote for me, and it’ll all go away,” the former president said in closing remarks.